my issue with "letting go"

Many spiritual teachers talk relentlessly about letting go. Eckhart Tolle, Michael Singer, David R. Hawkins, and countless others share ideas about the power of letting go—of releasing your feelings, letting them come and go, or giving them up entirely.

And while I deeply appreciate their teachings, I’ve always had an issue with the term “letting go.”

Because, to me, the phrase letting go carries a hidden implication: something is wrong. That there’s something in you that needs fixing or removing.

When you’re told to let go of a feeling or a thought, the underlying message is that the feeling and thought shouldn’t be there and you should get rid of it. It implies this feeling is flawed. That you are flawed.

The Problem With Letting Go

The idea of letting go suggests that our feelings or thoughts are inherently “bad” or unwelcome. It can feel like a demand to push them away or reject them, which only reinforces the belief that something is wrong with us.

But the truth is, your feelings, your thoughts, and your experiences—they’re part of nature. They’re natural unfoldings of your mind and body.

Your body is doing what it’s designed to do: it’s feeling. It’s thinking. It’s processing. These emotions and thoughts aren’t mistakes; they have a right to be here.

You’re not broken. You’re human having a human experience.

A Better Approach

Instead of letting go, what if we focused on letting be?

What if, instead of trying to let go of uncomfortable feelings or thoughts, we relaxed behind them?

Allow your emotions to express themselves, giving them space to exist without judgment or resistance. It’s about acknowledging what you’re feeling, being with it, and letting it unfold naturally.

Letting go, paradoxically, happens on its own. It’s not something you force—it’s something that arises when you stop resisting. From that space, all you need to do is to be present with your feelings. Your feelings don’t need letting go, they need feeling. Feel your feelings and letting go will happen naturally.

Normalize Your Feelings

To truly let go, you first have to acknowledge your feelings as valid human experiences. Normalize them. Remind yourself: You are a human having a human experience.

Think about your feelings like they’re human beings.

What happens to a person who has been neglected their entire life? They want attention everywhere they go. But someone who has been seen, heard, and given attention doesn’t have the same desperate need for it.

Feelings are the same. The more you ignore or suppress them, the more they demand your attention. But when you let them be—when you acknowledge and feel them without trying to act on them—they lose their grip on you.

Relax behind your feelings. Let them express themselves fully. Not by acting on them, but by allowing yourself to feel them completely.

The Paradox of Letting Go

The truth is, you let go of feelings by not trying to let go.

When you simply let them be, they lose their urgency. They no longer need to fight for your attention. Letting go happens naturally when you stop resisting and start accepting.

Because, as Carl Rogers said, “when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

That’s all for now….What do you think of the term “letting go?” Let me know!

And also: I’m now offering private 1:1 ACT- Counselling. Together we will learn how to:

• rewire your brain from anxiety and shame + heal your repressed trauma

• create a meaningful life while accepting the pain that goes with it

• separate from thoughts & emotions instead of getting caught up in them

• create clarity on your value system to give you direction in your life

If that’s for you, reply to this E-mail with “ACT” and I get back to you. Don’t know what ACT is? I recently gave an 8-hour Workshop on ACT - I want to give you access for free to the 86-page course material here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/10B8preWKk_ziqEEkGRfcQTWnK_6_OHpx/view?usp=sharing

With love,

Heythem